


Kataomoi

by bornducky



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, mai is only mentioned, post-therapy azula, this is in fact an attempt at angst hhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:47:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25416400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornducky/pseuds/bornducky
Summary: Suki has always had the sickening feeling that she was bound to die young. It’s no surprise when one warm summer night, a bloodied fire lily petal falls from her lips, beautiful and doomed, just like her.Alternatively, love is an everlasting solo dance and Suki currently owns the stage.
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), Suki/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	Kataomoi

**Author's Note:**

> a little drabble inspired by back to december by taylor swift and zphc gc <3

_One,_

_Two,_

_Three,_  
_her heart beats steadily._

  
Suki remembers the precise moment it started, the exact second she felt the prickling in her ribcage, roots slowly spreading, wrapping around her like they belonged, as if they had always had a reserved place. Iroh often said, _“Love is the only thing worth living for”_. The warrior can think of a couple of instances she had a brush with death, flames flicking and threatening to burn, daggers gashing through her delicate skin, and yet, this seems like mockery rather than poetic. 

  
_Fate was ironic really._

  
The first time it happens is during a training session with Ty Lee in the Firenation palace grounds. They had been sparring when Suki had felt it, the stems holding her lungs as if it was a hug and squeezing painfully, the tickle in the back of her throat, the nauseating floral scent. She knew what it was, she had heard the stories. The flowers, the unforgiving pain, death. The one thing she retained from all of them was that they rarely had a happy ending. 

  
She dropped to her knees, warm tears pooling at her eyes, gasping for air she didn’t know she needed, gathering the attention of an incredibly worried Ty Lee. Gentle hands cradling her face, a kiss on her forehead, her eyes softened ever so slightly. It was telling, and Suki had never been dumb. Her friend knew.

  
The warrior helped her up, _“Zuko?”_ , it sounded more like a statement than a question, a logical conclusion, she weakly nodded, there was no way she could lie to Ty Lee. 

  
Suki knew the look on her face. She wouldn’t ask more, for now. The Kyoshi leader was thankful. One thought rushing through her mind over and over again.

She _regrets_ ever coming back to the Fire Nation. She _regrets_ coming _back **for** Zuko._

  
__________________________________

  
_One,_

_Two,_

_Three,_  
_still there._

That night, she finds herself in bed, silk sheets gently draped around her body. Suki thinks back to when she accepted the proposal to protect Zuko against the new Ozai society when she swore her loyalty to him and gave him her heart in the process. 

There’s a soft knock on the door, she can recognize it by now.

“Can I?”, it’s tender and uncertain, not a Firelord, just Zuko.

  
“It’s your palace, my Firelord, since when do you need permission?”, she hears a small chuckle, _“Yup definitely not a Firelord”_ , she doesn’t voice it though.

  
“Well, it’s your room…”, she swears she can see a faint blush covering his right cheek, _it’s lovely._

  
“Can’t sleep?”, Zuko had been coming to her room every night, they both have trouble sleeping so they bask in each other's company until they are too tired to continue the late-night talk. 

The conversations are no more than small talk, but Suki can read between the lines, Suki has always been able to read him, and so small talk turns into lengthy conversations about the uncertainty and fear of the future. 

  
It works for them, Suki knows, _hopes,_ he can read her too.

  
“Like always…”, he offers a smile, it’s all eyes in crescent moons and teeth, his nose is scrunched up ever so slightly and Suki thinks it might be the most adorable sight she has ever been graced with. A hand reaching for hers, which she promptly takes, leading her towards the balcony. 

  
His features turn softer under the pale moonlight, he looks light, and Suki wants nothing more than to press her lips to his, because they look incredibly soft and inviting and she’s utterly enamored. Because falling for Zuko is easy, _oh, so so easy._

  
It’s moments like this that make it worth it, and if she were to die right now, she would feel complete. It’s a shame that fate was never on Suki’s side.   
Never hers to rule or choose.

  
His voice comes light, but it suddenly feels very heavy to the warrior, and everything she hears after “Mai” becomes an instant blur.

  
Here’s the second time it happens. It started with a tickle once again, a slight flowery scent that she mistook for the flowers blooming in the palace garden. But it hastily turned into a completely new sensation, her heart tangling in on itself, restricting against her ribs, it felt as if it was trying to rip her chest open.

The flowery scent quickly becoming nauseating, _fuck, not now, not with him here_. It’s too much, a dull ache all over her body, stomach twisting and she feels limp, _way to ruin the moment, uhm._

  
_One,_

_Two,_  
_she can’t keep count._  
_she couldn’t breathe._

  
Suki has always had the sickening feeling that she was bound to _die young._

  
“Suki?”, a hand rested softly against her face, “Suki, are you okay?”, a then all at once, it came back full force, her heart contorting and her lungs gasping for air she couldn’t begin to reach. And then a cough, deep in her throat, no longer a tickling sensation, a violent cough fit, making her lightheaded. 

That’s when she felt something soft on her lips, the first petal.

  
She bolted out of her room, leaving a very concerned Zuko behind, and storming into the first room she could find, and locking herself in the bathroom.

_One,_  
_one, one,_  
_one…_

It wasn’t a surprise when she opened up her hands to reveal, some bloodied fire lily petals.  
Tears stung at her eyes while she doubled over the sink to force the petals out of her throat. The petals were so incredibly beautiful, even in their bloodied state, they reminded her of little flames that sometimes spun around the boy’s fingers, and how it looked so ethereal.

  
The bile burned her already scratched esophagus. The floral and bloody scent filled up the bathroom, and Suki felt like throwing up all over again. 

  
She could hear two faint voices outside the bathroom, telling Zuko to go away. She felt dizzy. Suki knew this was getting worse a lot quicker than it was expected. She wasn’t a coward, it wasn’t about telling Zuko how she felt, that was easy, but Zuko was in love with Mai, and Suki had never owned a tiny piece of his heart. 

Because hearts don’t choose who they belong to, just like Suki doesn’t choose her fate.  
Because Suki had always been perfect in Zuko’s eyes. Just not perfect for him.  
_Because Suki can dance alone but Zuko had always been a slow dance type of person._  
_It takes two to slow dance._

  
She felt her legs giving in. And the last thing she remembers is Ty Lee getting her water and Azula holding her tight and whispering, _“it’s okay we are here…”_. Even then, she could hear the uncertainty in the princess’s voice, it was new, Suki for once knew her fate, she liked the sensation.

  
The warrior feels herself collapsing, “Please, _don’t_ tell Zuko…”, Azula simply nods and Suki lets herself go and the eternal dance goes on, and on, and on…

  
_one,_

_two,_

_three,_  
_it’s faint, but it’s there._

  
“Ty, she asked us not to…”, Azula has always kept her word, for once she doesn’t know if she should.

“I know she did… but she’s dying, he has to know, if there’s a small chance… he has to know, ‘Zula.” and, the tone in Ty lee’s voice is so heartbreaking.

  
___________________________________________

  
“Zuzu?”, Azula is the one to break the news, she felt like she owed it to her brother, and the acrobat couldn’t do it without crying. Azula understood, she had never been close to Suki but she seemed sweet. Most misunderstood the princess as someone incapable of feeling empathy. That was far from the truth. Azula cherished her friends, she just wasn’t good at outputting emotion. And right now Azula feels like crying for her friend but she won’t.

  
“I’m here…”, his tone was sad, almost like he knew what was about to happen, “Where is she? Is she okay?”, there was fear in his voice. Azula holds back the impulse to hug her brother.

  
She feels Ty Lee’s hand squeezing hers urging her to go on. It feels heavy and the words don’t want to leave her mouth. She forces them out, “Suki… she has something called Hanahaki’s Disease.”, she pauses, her eyes getting wet, “We don’t think she’ll make it Zuzu, I’m so sorry.”.

  
His expression doesn’t change, one question leaves his mouth, _“who?”_

  
“Zuko, I don’t know if I can answ-“, she gets cut by Ty Lee, who replies in a small voice, “It’s _you_. Suki is _in love with you.”_

  
Zuko’s expression falls because how could he be so blind, how could he not notice… how could he spend hours rambling about Mai to her? It’s impossible to hold back tears, he feels responsible. 

  
For the first time in years, Azula hugs her brother. She holds him like he’s about to break because, by agni, he is.

  
_If Zuko was the sun, Suki would always be the moon._

___________________________________________

  
Suki wakes up to Zuko by her side holding her hand, it's bittersweet really. Zuko’s eyes look puffy and she feels like crying once again. The pain in her throat is unbearable, but Zuko looks broken, and the pain in her heart is now far worse. Suki reaches to caress his face like it was the last time. 

  
_She feels like it’s the last time._

  
He leans into the touch, soft and delicate, carefully he turns his face just to press a lingering kiss against her palm. Devotion and adoration are spilled into the small action and Suki’s eyes shine, just like they would under the pale moonlight, for a second her heart feels very light.

  
“I’m so sorry I didn’t notice sooner”, he says in the same small voice Ty Lee used.

  
“It’s okay, I never expected anything from you Zuko, I made my peace with dying for you a long time ago.”, her voice was very soft and weak, and the Firelord felt the desperation eating at him, “when I swore my loyalty to you, I swore to defend you, _I would’ve died for you_ if I had to.”, she pauses, _“I’m your warrior and you, my Firelord”_ , she whispered, just loud enough for Zuko to catch it.

  
“Suki… No, you are so much more than just my warrior, you are my _friend_ ”, she feels a tug at her heart, a painful squeeze, Suki ignores it just like she does with wounds in battle, “if- if I had to pick a soulmate it would be you, Suki, _I love you so much.”_

  
“Zu, you know we can’t pick soulmates, _it’s okay_ to let me go.”, another tug, she feels the fire lilies clawing at her throat.

  
“I can’t… Suki I can’t, I’m so sorry. _I’m so so sorry._ ”, the pain in his voice is worse than any contortion her heart is currently doing.

  
“You have to… _I’ll always be your warrior_ , please _don’t forget me, promise me_ ”, her breath is ragged. Suki can hardly feel her heartbeat.

  
“I promise.”, Zuko gets to hold her one last time, he’s thankful for that at least. Azula is holding a sobbing Ty Lee, she feels her own heart breaking.

  
“I’ll be keeping an eye on all of you, and please tell the others I said goodbye.”

  
_One,_

_Two,_

_Three…._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little drabble I wrote at 3 am. I would really appreciate it if you could leave comments :D
> 
> p.s. I may or may not have another chapter for this


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